“I’m not like regular moms, I’m a cool mom” said literally every mother… ever. But what really makes a mom cool? Isn’t cool a subjective word anyways? If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, then cool definitely falls into the same category. And kids’ minds are also easily shaped, so essentially, you can make them believe whatever you want (i.e. my mom only let me listen to the Beach Boys growing up, and since she said they were cool, I of course thought they were cool too). I also used to the think the lyrics to “Help Me Rhonda” were “Hefty Mama” so, take what I say with a grain of salt.
But all that aside, being a cool mom means appearing cool to other moms too, not just your kids. And if you so desire this type of coolness, be prepared to do the following:
Stop Driving the Minivan
I know, I know, they have like built-in vacuum systems, recliners, 49 cup holders, and a home theater system. But you want to be cool don’t you? Get rid of it! The quintessential way to prove you have submitted to becoming a boring mom (think: Ellen Griswold) rather than a cool mom (think: Victoria Beckham) is to wear your mom jeans to the grocery store and load up your 2.5 kids into a neutral colored minivan. Beauty is pain ladies, beauty is pain. Trade it in and trade up your cool factor. Bonus for you single mommies; trading in your minivan for a more modern crossover SUV means you'll have all the carpool dads checking you out.
Stop Wearing Mom Jeans
Remember when people used to talk about MILFs? If you are unfamiliar with that acronym, consider yourself uncool and just stop reading now. Kidding. Google it. But NOT from your work computer. I can’t tell you how tired I am of hearing mom jokes, whether I laugh at them or not (ahem…they are pretty funny), but come on! Let’s get out there and at least try to bring sexy back. To start: buy jeans that fit. Yep, this means you might have to try on more than one pair. And don’t buy strictly from the clearance rack. There’s a reason there are 27 leftover sizes from a single collection. And last, try to follow the current style. If you hate skinnies, go for the more sensible boot cut. LOOK at your butt in the three-way mirrors. If the jeans you have on are sagging and make your rear look flatter than your eight-year-old’s chest, take them off (or get to work on building that booty)! And for goodness sake, if you have thighs in any way, shape, or form, stay away from extreme flare jeans (they will make you look like a giant box ...so not cool). Start owning motherhood rather than letting it own you.
Stop Being “That Mom”
Don’t force your child to be the gluten free, soy-based, vegan, non-preservative, anti-chicken nugget, paleo only, raw-fruit eating, no sweets allowed, kid. Just don’t. Besides being really, really hard to feed yourself, let alone a child, these strict trendy food rules are not for the faint of heart. Newsflash: If your health and your beliefs do not dictate a certain type of lifestyle, how about you try enjoying food instead of hating it? Stop being that mom who packs their nine-year-old a sack lunch to take to every birthday party because your kid isn’t allowed to eat pizza and cake. This will be more hurtful to their self-esteem than helpful to their health regime. Moderation… ever heard of it? Yea, do that.
Stop Being Lame
The skies will not open up and reign hailstorms of fire and ice down upon you for taking the night off from being “mom.” Remember those good ol’ fashioned things called “girls night out”? You need one. Trust me. But what if my kids know I was drinking and stayed out until midnight? Yea… And? Are you a human? It’s ok for them to see that mom has a life. That being said, if you haven’t been out since before Donald Trump became a “politician,” easy on the shots. 7am will come fast. And for the sake of your non-mom girlfriends, do not wear your mom jeans out. Or an oversized, fuzzy sweater. And don’t wear yoga pants. And absolutely NO kitten heels. Either stilettos or flats; commit one way or the other. Being sexy, fun mom for a night is good for the mind and soul. Namaste you cool mom, you.
Stop Being So Strict
You aren’t doing you (or your kid) any favors by constantly making them wear ear-muffs every time a conflict arises, or by never taking them anywhere because you fear they may see someone drinking a beer and become an alcoholic. Only letting your thirteen-year-old watch Nick Jr. and listen to “Now That’s What I Call Music – Kids Version 29” is not cool. And neither are you. Cool moms raise kids who allow them to experience life and be exposed to certain situations. Don’t be an old hag and try to keep your kid engulfed in a bubble, because once eighteen and college hit (i.e. freedom), you’ll be in a world of hurt. Face it, we all know how the kids of super strict parents turned out. If you loosen the leash, they may actually realize you are also a human and may even (gasp) ask for your advice someday. Friendship should never come before parenting, but if your kid views you as an ally rather than the enemy, both sides win. And you score major cool mom points in the process.
And the most important thing you can do to be a cool mom…
Stop Being Someone You’re Not
All jokes aside, the number one thing you should do to be a cool mom, is to be you. While there is some truth to the other statements, it’s much more important to be calm, cool, collected, and 100% uniquely you. If you like saggy butt jeans and enjoy the MVLS (MiniVan LifeStyle), then do it. If you think Victoria Beckham is supremely boring, not fashion forward, and sooo not-hip, then tell her to take a hike. Ultimately being cool means doing what makes you happy. And following the in-crowd is so 2015 anyways. Lead the pack. Start a new trend. Maybe being uncool is the new cool?
Remember, being cool is in the eye of the beholder. So if your little starry-eyed, Star Wars loving, corduroy pants-wearing child thinks you are the bee’s knees, keep doing what you’re doing mom.
Agree or disagree? What do you think it takes to be a cool mom in today's world?