From great pain comes great art. I wish it worked differently, but the idea of a tortured writer, singer, artist, etc. discovering their greatest gifts during periods of pain, seems to hold true for, well, even me.
With Valentine’s Day upon us, rather than letting you struggle to find the “perfect gift”, I figured I would be super awesome and help you out. What I actually want this year is just to remind you how awesome we are when we are a team, and hope that we can get back to that point. You know, T-E-A-M, like a group thing… not M-E. When mommy is happy, everyone is happy. You know what they say: happy wifey, happy lifey.
A recent forum conversation struck an odd chord with me. It took place in a community of (largely) single mothers and it almost felt live a scorned, dumped mommy club. Having been a single mother for a few years, and also having some experience with the topic at hand, I was in the HUGE minority with my stance on the issue. Perhaps this is due to the fact that I am a millennial mommy and my views are more liberal than those who have gone before me?
Modern society idolizes motherhood. We are supposed to be perfect creatures, who never get a day off, and certainly never make a mistake. These over-the-top expectations often lead to mom-guilt; a snarky little feeling that likes to creep in and ruin your day. If you have a full-time job (or even part-time for that matter), and then go home to another full-time job, you probably know exactly what I’m talking about.
Behind every pretty, smart, and successful woman stands...herself. Being single can be empowering and more importantly, it’s fun! But at some point, many single mothers toy with the idea of dating again. And thanks to online dating sites, getting back out there is easier than you think. All those nights spent stalking people on Facebook and Instagram, well, online dating is kind of like that.
We are millennials, and we are moms, and some of us choose not to get married (yet... or ever). Choosing to be remain single has less to do with turning away from traditional values and more to do with choosing the freedom to build your own life. So stop apologizing for choosing the path that is best for you. Sometimes, choosing to be happy also means choosing to remain single.
When you have kids and your friends are still waiting to cash in their freedom cards, it can lead to some miscommunications about the simple things in life, and sometimes, the not so simple things. Like, is she even my friend anymore, because she always says she’s tired when we have plans? Its hard to find relatable subjects when all you can talk about is whether or not your kid pooped today and your friends are only talking about who went home with who last night.
A few years back when I was a single mother fresh on the dating scene, a guy told me “…you’d be really hot if you weren’t a mom.” To which I thought, you’d be really hot if you weren’t…not. His statement didn’t warrant a response of any kind from me, except an exaggerated eye roll. I don’t recall what the guy who said it looked like, or even his name (obviously because he wasn’t worth committing to memory), but it did get me thinking.
For all my single moms out there, if you haven’t been asked this question yet, brace yourselves. You will get asked this over and over, often at inopportune times, and it will wear on your patience on those unbearably long days where you feel like you aren’t doing anything right. “Where’s my dad?” I hate this question. Those three words make me feel like an utter failure…